Well its been a month since St. Mary's blew up. I'm still not thrilled about working with mages (considering some experimented on me!).
I've been working on arson projects lately to take my mind off things and take time away from the group. Alpha hates my guts, Jason isn't any better. I dare not ask Ellie. Ellie… can I even face her after the blunders I've made? Sometimes I wish I could just tell her how I feel. But after the way things have gone. I don't think she'll be in any mood to talk… especially not abut something of that nature. I don't know why I torture myself though, my tribal elders of the Iron Masters told me about the sins of Werewolf kind. Werewolves can't mate with other werewolves, cos it would cause some spirit calamity or some shit like that. I don't wholey understand it myself.
Anyway… I've tried to move on from simple rubbish burning. I need something greater. Something to get the Fire spirits on my side. I need to get this right or Will and the others are gonna get rid of me! They are all the real family I have now. I can't screw up again!
Well I have managed something a little bit better than the regular this time. Its still low key but I have started setting alight to scrap debris at the Nuffield scrap yard – The 'Crap' yard as we used to call it, cos the 'S' fell off long ago. Getting in at night was easy enough under shadow. Just did the deed and left. Managed to pull it off for a couple of weeks, but I think I need to move onto something bigger still. I gotta get this right and on track again.
Over the recent two weeks I've come across in the heath land an old place I used to come as a kid. The old quarry up passed the Old Roman Road. There are wrecks here in the pools that will suit my purposes nicely. Its out of the way of most people. I've set up the old wrecks to be kinda like braziers. I've poured petrol I have been scavenging and adding heath materials to burn with. Its not huge. But its more or less sustainable. And best of all its out of the way of the others. I'm writing this last bit in the pit not too far from the fires. I think they are getting better now. It also gives me a place to meditate on things. I don't wanna be a burden to the group. I just wanna fix things and let the wounds heal. Speaking of heal, a lot of those wounds of mine have finally started to knit themselves. Hey, things may finally be starting to look up for me!